so i guess the first thing i wish to say my adoring public is "happy new year." the second thing you should know is that i am presently in a foul mood. there are a few things that have contributed to this inevitability.
1. my mother is convinced that i have an eating disorder and that i'm possibly dying at a much faster rate than most 19-yr olds. and so, out of love, she nags me unceasingly about all the things i should change about my life. even though i maintain that it's none of her damn business, i suppose she does have some basis for her exaggerated fears. it's true i don't eat much these days. no time. and when there's time, there's no money (it's an interesting equilibrium that makes a ton of sense if you think about it). it's also true that my internal clock is whack as hell. sleep isn't easy anymore. also, i smoke entirely too much for an asthmatic. but the thing that probably scares me the most is my hair. it's falling out. possible causes? smoking, perhaps. or maybe being forced to wear my hair up all the time. oh yeah, and the hat. i fucking hate hats. then again it could just be the scurvy... either way, i probably am dying, but hey... that's the price of living.
i live fast in hopes that when i die, i'll have the momentum to keep rolling.
2. speaking of work... it sucks. don't get me wrong; i really don't mind working for starbucks. it definitely has its perks (health care, savings plan, FREE COFFEE, and partner discounts). how often is it that you find a job that pays AND supports your addiction? oh wait... i forgot about drug dealers. besides that, the reason my job is driving me to distraction is simply the location of this particular store. roanoke rapids is like the fabled king midas, except that instead of turning things to gold, it becomes shit instead. my coworkers are a diverse mix of lazy bitches, sleazy assholes, and incompetent imbeciles. the customers aren't much better. over 70% of local customers can't say macchiato or frappucino. the out-of-state customers (we get a lot of these) are generally rude, condescending, and/or impatient. fucking elitists.
3. my social life is a bit lacking i think. i typically end up keeping bad company wherever i go, and this time is no different. the only difference is probably the general attitude of this god-forsaken city. it's populated with a frighteningly large clot of under-achievers. and yet, they dream so big... not that i'm trying to blame my pathetic choice in clots on this town or anything. i'm just coming to terms with the reality that i need to get the hell out of this place asap. also, i'm starting to tire of being single in spite of the fact that the alternative will in all likelihood be a messy and painful mistake. staying away from that one for a while i think.
geez, it's nearly 3 a.m. already. i suppose i'll quit now and go find solace in something other than a blog rant.
-hm
p.s. in case you didn't realize, that engagement thing has been over for nearly half a year.
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